Verses of the Day

Sometimes God shows us, tells us, communicates to us a theme or a verse over and over and over to get our attention. Since Saturday I have had some themes and verses He has been shouting at me and I thought I would share - perhaps you are in need of hearing the same messages =)

I am loved by God - unconditionally (and so are you!!)
I cannot earn it or even fathom its depth with my finite mind.

HOPE. HOPE. HOPE.

And Prayer. I can be a prayer warrior for myself, and that's OK. It's not selfish. He wants me to dialogue with Him. That's what I was designed for - a relationship with the Creator. And although prayer does not need to be formal (as I was reminded - again - in the car while listening to Stephen Curtis Chapman sing "Let us Pray")
He also desires for us to set aside some REAL quiet time with him - even if it is 10 minutes!
To talk with Him, give our full attention to Him.
Yes, even with a 3 yr old in the house!

The verses I continue to be led to are

"You are fearfully and wonderfully made". Psalm 139:14

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future". Jeremiah 29:11

"Be Joyful in HOPE, Patient in affliction, faithful in PRAYER." Romans 12:12

I wanted to have some clarification on a couple of words. I know the general gist, but felt compelled to truly define the words.

One word was AFFLICTION.
Dictionary.com states that it is a noun meaning
1. a state of pain, distress, or grief; misery
2. a cause of mental or bodily pain, as sickness, loss, calamity, or persecution.

Synonyms: mishap, trouble, tribulation, calamity, catastrophe, disaster. Affliction, adversity, misfortune, trial refer to an event or circumstance that is hard to bear.

Got it.

Secondly DECLARES.
Sounds Kingly (probably because He is, but just needed to know)

To make known formally or officially, to make known or state clearly, esp. in explicit or formal terms
To state emphatically or authoritatively; affirm, to announce officially; proclaim
To reveal or make manifest; show

Not only is the Lord making it known, he is SHOWING us that what he says is true (manifest - readily perceived by the eye or the understanding; evident; obvious; apparent, show plainly: to prove; put beyond doubt or question)

LOVE IT! What wonderful promises.

This is where I find peace. This is how I have Hope. This is how I 'Keep Moving Forward'

The Good News is here, the great news is to come...

One more week and lab results

My labs results were disappointing, but not surprising.
I am actually down 2 points. =(
I have been really sick with GI side effects plus the horrid can't-get-out-of-bed dizziness and the oncologist has dropped me down to 10 pills a day, even though my numbers are lower.

We head down to MD Anderson Cancer Center Next Tuesday.

Please keep us in your prayers. Great results. Safe Trip.
My mom will be flying down Tuesday to play with the kids while Eric and I are at the hospital. We will head south directly from the airport.

Only 2 More Weeks

We are headed back to MD Anderson in two weeks! I am looking forward to the trip because I would like to be able to breathe a sigh of relief until the next visit. (Keep those prayers coming!)
However...there is also the anxiety (fear) that things won't be OK.
Eric and I have the conversation often that I don't have cancer, I'm simply on chemo.
There has not been a sign of cancer since the tumor was removed in October - PRAISE the LORD!!
However, I am still on high doses of chemo and have still not reached the 'optimal' level of the drug in my system.
I have had a really rough month with getting my pills in. Stomach aches, stomach cramps, nausea, vomiting, GI issues galore. I don't know if it is the heat or the stress of the move, the kids and their medical things recently. Perhaps it is simply the meds. Hmmm. Or a combo of it all. I am now getting the dizziness back in full force like I had a few months ago. Ugh. But wanting, NEEDING more time with my family is my driving force to continue to take the Mitotane.
Adrenal Cancer is RARE. Stage 2 Adrenal Cancer is VERY rare! A tremendous gift that that this terrible disease was found so early! Thank you God and thank you Daniel.
I actually find it difficult to scold him when he jumps on me, but I have to. Especially since my incision site is still tender!

I really believe that God can hand me many more years here on this earth with Eric and Emily and Daniel.
But it is such a mental game.

Please pray for my overall health. My medication intake. My upcoming scans. My family - it is really taxing on Eric and so hard for the kids to understand why mommy is always tired and not feeling well. Emily told me today that she wanted me to get some rest so I didn't get sick again. Daniel has always been clingy, but it is getting ridiculous. I hate that my kiddos, esp Emily, are being forced to grow up too fast. I hate cancer. But I love the Lord and I know He loves me. That He cares about my family. I need to continue to put my trust and my hope in Him alone.

I am up tonight with heartburn and an upset stomach. But I am so tired and dizzy it is hard to stay upright. Now what do I do??

I suppose I will sign off for now and catch up with y'all later.

My Mom will be flying down for this trip to Houston to keep the kiddos entertained while Eric and I are at the hospital for long and grueling days! I am thankful she is able to take the time off and come help. I know it is tough on my parents to not be closer.

Thank you -again - to Amy and Christophe for donating hotel points for our stay.
Thank you to my Mops group for the great freezer meals this month.
Thank you to my in-laws for giving me a couple of naps while they are here visiting.
Thank you to Belinda for taking the kids on separate outings. For making them feel special and giving them a chance to get out of the craziness for awhile.

I am certain there are others I am missing, so thank you to all of you who have been praying for us and lending a hand. We couldn't do it without you.

Goodnight.

Update

I am tired and don't really want to talk about/share my life right now.
However, you can pray that it gets easier to take my pills and that I can figure out more rest time. And that I can get this house unpacked and everyone settled in.
Praises are that Emily's stay at the hospital went well, Eric's procedure went well, and that our apartment is nice and cool despite the 3 digit temp outside!

Back Online!!

Has it really been that long since I have written??
I have missed my internet!!!

My numbers came back - I am up to 9.7.
Getting there, but was really hoping for a higher #. (needs to be between 13 and 20 for those of you new to the updates)
I am having a REALLY tough time getting all my pills in, especially with this move - too busy and not wanting to slow down or be sick. Now I have to get into a routine again and choke them all down. No more excuses...

I am overwhelmed with the amount of boxes littering my house, and the army of ants that are invading my pantry and any box with a food item of any kind. The exterminators came yesterday, but I am having to toss anything already opened and it is frustrating. They are still crawling around - I am guessing it will take a couple of days for them to all die off. (I suppose that is a lame thing to whine about when one is fighting cancer, but it is annoying all the same)

Today I am tired and nauseous, but I have a sitter coming and hope to take a nap - and perhaps Eric and I can even get out for a cheap date =)

We go back to MD Anderson in July. Please start praying now for clear scans!
I will also have an appointment at the fatigue clinic and have high hopes for that.

Both kids out of school is really tough. I didn't realize how much time they were at school!

Talk to y'all soon!
Triann

Time is ticking away...

I am in the throws of moving. Sorting, tossing, donating, packing. Plus the end of the school year, plus, plus, plus. I am SO ready to be on the other side of this move. I don't care if we unpack a box for months - I just want to be done with this end of the process!
That being said, I apologize that I have not been updating blogs like I should be. It will be sparse for awhile.
I am, however, waiting for my lab results to come in and will post those as soon I get them. My side effects have been especially bad recently and I don't know if it is 'simply' my chemo numbers are increasing (which would be good - overall) or if it is the combo of pushing myself to get this house sorted and packed, the end of school 'stuff' and the meds just taking a toll on me.
We soon shall see. Perhaps even when the numbers come in, I won't really know until I am moved and can rest again. =)
Thank you for continued prayers.
Triann

We found an Apartment!

Yea God!
We found - and secured - an apartment just up the road from where we currently live. We take possession on June 1st and will be moving once Emily is out of school for the year.
Our BIG prayer now is that Emily will be able to transfer into her current school. Right now she is on the waiting list as they are downsizing teachers.
On the upside, the apartment is in a great location and it has a pool and a playground. It is also ADA. Which means that Emily can wheel into every area of the house - including the bathrooms (which she has never been able to do). She is very excited. The kitchen sink is REALLY low, therefore Eric won't be doing any dishes! I hate to tell you we will just be filling the earth with paper plates for the time being, but that is our reality!
Now to PACKING PACKING PACKING! Or should that be PANICKING! =) Missing an adrenal gland does have its upside. I am MUCH less stressed than the former me would have been! Also more forgetful. But it all evens out, right?
Thank you for your continued prayers
Triann